I say that because it is an ongoing process, there is never an endpoint because I am sick with sin. I don’t suffer because that cup passed from my lips and Christ, my savior, endured the devastation that was intended for me.
As I come more and more into this truth I drop my jaw wider and wider still. This state of admiration is my reality. I was created to adore my savior- that is how I will live all of my days. Healing has not been an easy promise, God doesn’t promise easy- Christ has freely offered us salvation but I have been and still am willing to work out my salvation in fear and trembling, as Paul teaches us. As Christians, once we proclaim the blood of Christ over us, it becomes our livelihood to live and breathe Christian ethics in speech and action.
This is powerful comprehending that now that I am going through the healing process, I am able to distribute my time more positively and support-ingly. I know that this is where God wants me to be, to become more like His son in every aspect. Day after day, I feel like this healing is bringing me closer to God.
It’s a process though…
Prayer is the ultimate privilege that Christians have in “the waiting game.” I realize this as I ponder the extraordinary outlet of communication with our Heavenly Father that the Holy Spirit equips us with.
I see this in full-color as I pray. Rest. Wait.
- I pray because I have unwavering faith and I long to communicate with my Father.
- I rest because I fully believe that God has total control.
- I wait because God has placed in my heart the yearning for something more.
Those three actions (to rest, to pray, to wait) ARE NOT independent of each other. A person must DO all three actively in order to find full contentment!
I am not going to be quiet anymore!
I heavily lean on Christ’s power and strength because I realize that I am weak and my mind wanders continuously- always. I rely fully on Christ’s promises in everything! My savior has come through for me in the past and He will come through for me as I follow his lead through valleys of utter turmoil. He has promised to protect me and my faith remains strong in Him!
I am currently balancing a broken personal life with a rededicated, thriving faith and the opportunity of independence! I trust the Holy Spirit to equip me with all I need!
Jesus, Lord of my life, use me! Show me the steps of faith you ask of me and I will be diligent and unquestionably follow your footsteps. My heart is ready to free-fall into your peace, Heavenly Father. I see your work throughout every day of my existence. I realize the despondent depths you had to carry me through as experiences to build my faith and strengthen my spirit for your kingdom!
It is well with my soul. I am Yours!
but Christ can, and HE is in me!
On September 12, I prayed Psalm 51:10-
“Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a right spirit within me.”
This verse has saved me countless times because I have never ceased to believe in God’s ability to do that.
It has taken me close to a full year to realize that God is acting on my behalf. If you’re close to me, you are aware that this past year has been VERY tumultuous for me and there have been many moments where I have questioned God. I am not proud to admit this but I want everyone to know how great our God truly is!
To be honest, it still feels very odd to look at my situation in a positive light, though through as much of the pain as I am enduring, God ultimately has it all figured out and I hold fast to the promises of His blessings which are strongly emphasized in the Bible.
Reading through Psalms 1, it is easy to assume that it is “quick” however, there really is MUCH to dwell on with this scripture. The first 4 lines caught my eyes right off the bat,
Oh the joys of those
who do not follow the advice of the wicked,
or stand around with sinners,
or join in with scoffers.
I am guilty of all three of those actions within this past year and my restless mind and thoughts can attest to that. I immediately repented and plead the previous verse I mentioned, that God would create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me.
I see doors opening all around me now and I pray that the reluctance of my heart submits to His graciousness.
Tonight I met a very wise person at Caribou who showed me a life-changing verse.
“10 The rain and snow come down from the heavens and say on the ground to water the earth. They cause the grain to grow, producing seed for the farmer and bread for the hungry. 11 It is the same with my word. I send it out, and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it.”
Scripture WILL reach the people God has already pre-selected to hear His word. That is evident. I strongly feel that God had me meet that person to help me distinguish that.
I am pulling myself up from the wreckage of my past because I AM a conqueror in Christ. I know it is a continual battle but when I am weak- He IS strong! I’ve been emotionally battered beyond recognition and I’ve been succumbing to lies for the past year,
I cannot define myself by piling on contradictions anymore. I need definitive values.
- My God
- My internship that God has blessed me with
- My classwork, the last class I need to take in college
- My writing (On my story, “Monster” and on my blogs)
- My bible reading… it is imperative to ceaselessly immerse myself within the word of God- I realize that I need constant reminders of His greatness)
On top of this burning rubble I acknowledge as my past, I stand victorious with Christ. It is settled. I am determined to write for Him.