Monthly Archives: July 2012

“At least I don’t post naked photos on the internet”

Ambitions are only words
Don’t make me inflict my filters
separating actions from antics/
butterflies from moths.
As it stands,
I am unable to see past your kind gestures
So when you offer your cracked, frail fingers
To act as my grip,
understand my timid hesitation.
Be aware of my careless nature,
a lot like leaves scattered and continually swept by the wind
I will bypass the given opportunity
And act as a heart valve, pumping deep red life into varicose veins,
such ambitiously shallow graves


Mutual Respect

Now, that’s what I expect.  

 


…But They’ll Never Have My Heart

I’ve come to the understanding that I am really two separate people.  My heart is steadfast and unrelenting even though I have been made aware that there is no reason for that anymore-  apparently, there never was?  All the same, my heart and head align in the fact that I am committed.  Nothing can pull me away from my commitment.  But I am also realizing that my form of commitment is wrapped around individualistic ideas.  I can’t control anything but myself and so I understand that I am looking out solely for myself.  No one needs to and no one should share this with me.


I don’t want to change who I am!

I keep hearing over and over that in order to meet the people you want to be surrounded by, you yourself need to become that type of person first.  I really have a difficult time with this perception because God has seriously put a limit on who I am, who I can become.  And I’m currently still grappling with this limitation.

What if the person you want to meet is nothing like you, but you are yourself and you’re happy with yourself?  Should I want to change?  

What the hell???


I’m just trying to escape (myself)

When life feels stagnant, I can’t help but think that something is at work.  I’m not entirely sure where I am being taken and I’m not 100% feeling good about this move-in situation, but we’ll see what plays out.

I despise writing now… probably because that is who I am, a writer.  I’m just trying to escape myself…

Yesterday, I had my first psychologist appointment with a Counselor who works at Northwestern, so I trust him.

That is what is eating me alive.  My trust issues…  None of the past year would have happened had I just been able to trust you…