In using the bus for transportation everywhere in this city, I’m beginning to ponder my faith journey.There are seriously a hundred different avenues I could venture down in attempting to explain my current perception of God so I believe it will benefit my readers more if I just cover my main struggles and their dilapidation:
1) God’s Presence?
Honestly. Where is He? If He is so compassionate, why does the child starve, the woman get raped, the man shot in war? I know that it is because we live in a fallen world and Sin exists, “ultimately God’s glory shines through.” I have yet to see that, frankly.
2) Ignorance IS Bliss?
Pondering number one, I have safely concluded that ignorance truly is blissful. Also, being brought up with a strict Christian background and having been educated at a private Christian college, the penalty is greater for me if I choose to discard the “faith” that I’ve taken for granted growing up around. Great power demands great responsibility. Therefore disregarding it would prove unjust and foolish. Yet, my mind is consistently thrown into a fit of questioning.
3) Why Am I So Easily Influenced…?
Its a problem I’ve dealt with since receiving my brain injury and having healed from the major extent of it, I have been left with a remarkably humbling disability in which other people play the central character in making influential decisions in my life.
4) Living On The Fence Isn’t Happiness?
Tonight I was told that living half for God and half in the world is a miserable existence. But how then do Christians survive without becoming hermits???
My head is a jumble of these thoughts and I don’t particularly feel comfortable sharing them, but I feel like it is necessary for me to explain my current mindset and all that I am wrestling with. Have a good night.