I’ve managed to distance a lot of people in my lifetime but I can’t help but consider that it isn’t entirely my fault. I can’t help but to think of people’s absence in my life as a form of God saving me from a personal hell.
Also, God has positioned many positive Christian influences in my life and I have taken notice. God is moving in my life… At times, I don’t feel it, but He’s planning something… I need to get into His word more consciously. Those with faith will be rewarded and that is what Jesus tells us to look for. Not to look for simple solutions and facts, but to embrace mysterious faith!
I’ve chosen to trust my God, my Lord and Savior. I’ve learned through plenty of my mistakes that a person needs to always turn the negatives upside down and sometimes those negatives are truly in your life to ultimately bring about positive scenarios. I digress.
I really regret being so caught up in my loneliness that I failed to acknowledge my God and His faithful companionship. But now I can muster up the courage to finally portray myself as securely His.
Everything else is such a poor imitation of the wholeness I can find in God. My head knowledge knows that already. I continue to try my best to convert this knowledge into heart wisdom.
I am ready for You my God.
What I’ve been meaning to say
isn’t put best through a string of words.
They’ll tangle when tampered with,
like a silky spider web
So attractive in every aspect-
until you are stuck
right between the heaviest rock
and the makeshifts of your faith-
Which are quickly outdated
along with your second grade bowl cut.
Don’t patronize, just realize-
pride is the human monster
we are never alone in our minds.
“What is contentment?”
Onyx eyes plead expressionless query
Our minds tell us to find happiness within idolatries
But do you really want to embrace insects?
Is that the skeleton key unlocking contentment?
I should be content with understanding my dreams are not my own-
Blonde, wavy curls breathing life into blackened eyes
forced contentment with feigned alibis:
Arid evenings beneath Arab skies
What kind of life is that? Honestly.
while rhetorical questions scrape decency away…
You know- I’ve never been this nostalgic
of insects before.
I just visited the Minneapolis Institute of Art with my friend Becca! It was phenomenal- as always.
I engaged well with every piece of work that I spent time examining. I just enjoy being in the midst of such brilliance. It was so spectacular. I felt drawn to the neo-classical pieces because they seemed highly emotive but still represented actual people or things.
I love seeing great art- it reinvigorates passions for my own art- through words and canvas. I definitely am so blessed to have a friend who enjoys the same things as me.
Also, I borrowed Season 2 of The Big Bang Theory from her! That show is just perfect for constructed awkwardness- which I thrive on. haha… It’s safe to say that I am thoroughly addicted. Sheldon is so socially awkward it simultaneously makes me endlessly giggle and it’s a great boost of self confidence.
Hoorah for nerds!
Also, after the art museum, Becca and I drove around St. Paul and stopped at The Tea Garden- also a new addiction- the guy who took our orders eerily reminded me of someone in my past- but I didn’t let that shake me. Instead, I just ordered my tea and sat down across the store from him with Becca darling. As I enjoyed my banana chai tea with coffee jellies, I attempted to soak in and preserve all that we had seen at the museum.
I was definitely drawn to the Ancient Egyptian/ Grecian/ Roman artwork and sculptures, but that was no surprise. They have always been my favorite points in history. The Grecian artwork symbolizing gods and goddesses through their respective qualities has always been a strong point of interest for me. I almost feel like I should be back in that time. What times do you feel your existence is suited for?
This world throws so many curve balls. I for one want to play this inning and make the most of what life gives me! I have no idea how that will happen, but I know my God will remain faithful, unlike the last person I gave my heart to…
I am having so many thoughts wrestling with my wishes and my realities. The Christian faith, although I ascribe to it, is filled with massive amounts of regrets mixed with ideologies which only results in feeling more regrets due to our human condition. The promises of Jesus are something I am very firm to hold on to and believe. This past year, my mind has been utterly foolish and I’m still warring with the emotional consequences of that semester of my life but I do hold tightly to God’s fulfilling promises!
I believe that THAT is what identifies true Christianity. It is not ideologies, but truth! Someone I used to know always picked ideologies over truths although they would hold steadfast to the thought that all they were concerned with was the truth. They only discovered their own versions of ideologies masked as truths.
I’m saying that if that brings contentment and happiness then possibly ideologies are more truth than truths… but not for me.