I am not wrong. I’ve only been consistently, subtly manipulated to believe that. Like a riverbed worn through a stone solid cavern over time.
The water I have been so desperately seeking, yet so incessantly disregarding is found in Christ. My spirit resembles shattered glass with pieces or parts of me entirely disconnected. I’ve never been wholly, 100% devoted to one thing. My personality has always been at war with my Christ-centered soul. I have been brutally beaten with verbal abuse to the point of utter hopelessness and swimming thoughts of paranoia. I am done wading in blood-red, shark-infested waters! Pieces of me have been torn off of my flesh throughout my life! I am completely for Christ and when I meet my husband, we will become one in Christ!
But I AM faithful to believe that my Father is restoring me individually for the time being! He has GREAT opportunities and blessings in my future and I am choosing to FULLY believe that! I am remaking myself, forcing myself not to call him. Please pray for me to succeed in this endeavor and to lean COMPLETELY on God for strength in the matter!