Monthly Archives: March 2012

“Swimming In Something Other Than Water” 3/27/2012

The greatest joke in human history
rests its funny bone on the fact that
wisdom IS inherently foolish.
Seeking a fool’s true wisdom is a bright flashing signal
Shining directly in your unfiltered eyes
life is no longer about perception anymore.
Humans are simply not allowed to twist their elbows that way
Do you rest in blaming nature
or divine manipulation?

Either way, remove your sunglasses,
and rest.


Smothered by Fantasy- 3/27/12

Smothered by fantasy,
the choking must end
I need to breathe.
so I choose to loosen my tightly-locked grip-
floating freely

 I will just be.


New Morning

Getting ready for my day was fast-paced, but I felt as if I could take on just about anything.   Now sitting at work, I realize- it’s a completely new day.  It’s a new week.  A new morning! 

The coffee is fresh and my life seems to be starting to even out:)


What does this mean?

I feel like my life is based on how other people perceive it- and what the hell?  That isn’t who I am deep down.  I am a writer.  I need to practice my craft more.  I don’t mind if my family becomes seriously concerned because there is really no reason for their concern.  I’m being myself.  I need to finally take this step on my own.  I cannot abide by guidance any longer.  To you, that may seem foolish- but your approval is not important to me.

I am a young person.  I know where people are trying to push me but it doesn’t feel right.  Finding what is right seems to be a very arduous process.  Happiness means sacrificing.  Really not sure what that fully means yet.  I need to process everything in my mind.  There is so much about life that is not set out in a step-by-step instruction.  Looking at everything from a different vantage point all together opens up new possibilities.  New regrets.


Becoming acrimonious.

I have realized that I am becoming a bitter person.  I greatly resent this feeling but it seems almost like a black liquid, similar to oil, slowly but  covering and filling every ounce of who I am, seeping into every crack and crevice composing my person.  This imprisoning, suffocating substance is tormenting the beautiful child of God that I AM!

This needs to end.  I’m running back into the Lord’s arms because He is faithful to heal me!!


I’m not ready.

I wanted to take a bath tonight… but couldn’t.  I’m just not ready to confront those memories.


realization:

I’ve been in a funk for the past year- now I see why I was so undesirable.  It’s because I WASN’T myself.

These next months will consist of me- spending ample time becoming myself fully!  This means doing what I want.  Everyone respect that and I’ll respect your choices.