“Was I the greatest/ …in your arsenal?”
Today has been a day of packing for me. I am coming to the end of a journey, a very strenuous journey disguised as a living arrangement. Living at this house has greatly altered my life experiences and made me into a stronger woman. In the very beginning stages of my adult life, this has most likely been an overall good experience. Now I am moving into my very own apartment and somewhat stretching my own life-skills out and testing my independence. I feel very ready for this change.
The house I have resided in for the last 6 months has “out-stayed” its welcome, or maybe I have, but either way- I’m ecstatic to be abandoning this house. Something has changed in my relationships with my roommates. They are nice people, I just do not like living with them. I feel like they’re breathing down my neck, examining every move I make.
This change is overbearing with anxiousness. At the same time, it has been exhilarating in its own right. I found a video on my ipod of my ex and I… it temporarily brought on a wave of nostalgia but then I purposefully took notice of the closest thing near me so I could immerse myself in any small menial task that would stall the pain. Either it did or I’m just significantly numb… Or both.
Being numb is a strange feeling. I can’t say that I have ever before felt this level of despair and frustration. The level of numbness that signifies surrender.
Maybe this is a step in the right direction?
“You thought your hands could heal/ but they left me sore”