…and I have already broken my new year’s resolution. Twice. I’m hopeless. God, where are you??? I do understand that a little effort must first be formulated in my camp however, this seems utterly impossible to accomplish by my own strength.
People ask me what I miss about him- well, I can’t completely and rightfully tell you. Maybe I miss his breath. Maybe I miss his stern affection. People tell me that all I miss from him is just the companionship and that I could find better affection in different arms but my passion is so directed.
People call him crazy and psychotic and they can’t understand my drive or desire to be with him and to be completely honest, the reason I couldn’t tell you deep down my burdens cannot be verbalized. I just know that he is the only one I could give my heart fully too.
I despairingly want to heal you. But I know that my healing power is not sufficient at all. The Lord is the only one who holds healing grace and I continually plead for his soul and his mental well-being.
Yet, I want Jesus to override his rule and wash over the greasy inkblots that have taken residence upon my heart and life. Yet my indecision is holding me back. Bu I don’t want that anymore. I pray and beg for the Lord to turn His affections on me and cover me with His enduring love. Because the love that I have felt and have developed comforting appeal for really wasn’t sufficient. I was never good enough.
With Jesus, God sees me as more than enough!