After my horrible accident, miraculous recovery and continuing rehabilitation a lot of things have become clearer to me.  Many things have been shown to me in a positive light but there have been a few ugly traits that have been rearing their terrible faces, exposing me to the less than desirable truths of many personalities, including my own. 

 Accepting my Traumatic Brain Injury was only the beginning of my rehabilitation.  This is becoming clearer to me than I ever thought possible because I had clearly chosen to ignore my deficits.  This has been a product of my pride.  I no longer want to hold on to this pride because the more I cling to the prideful lie about not needing help or these CRP (Community Reintegration Program) classes, the more I lose towards recovery.

In class, they seem to heavily imply that I am not entirely over recovery and that’s something I’ve heard many times before.  But the more I hear it, the more I believe it.  And believing it is exactly what my heart needs- to know that I have hope and I’m not entirely lost.  Because after being humbled once more and accepting my disabled state, feeling lost is incredibly simple.


A Person’s Worth

A lot of different things are being joggled around in my mind lately.  General things such as maturity, security and each person’s particular lot in life.  It has occurred to me recently that the first two are not mandatory in relation to the specific lot in life you hold on to.  Neither does a certain degree of maturity or, let’s say, financial security make up a person’s worth. 

A person’s worth is defined most clearly by the sole factor of whether or not they are a living, breathing human being.  This fact wasn’t completely foreign to me, no, but it was about as real as a television program.  You know, something you see or you’re told about… yet don’t ever fully grasp.

People are worth it all, no matter their positions as far as maturity and security go.


You Need To Apologize- March 19th, 2013


You need to apologize-            
March 19, 2012


Everything is stagnant in my mind.
Like a deep pool of clear, candescent milk-like fluid.
just still-
waiting for the sound vibes to reverberate,
mimmicking an apology,
(or maybe I could just mask what I hear…
make it sound like an apology?)
every tremor
Letting go of change,

destined for the pit of the well
I pray for humidity
so I can sweat out your apology
and yet, still subside in this cell.

I am not an imitator of God-

We are not called to be imitators of God; we are called to be imitators of Christ.  

In light of this, we have to see things how unbelievers see things for a change, because YES.  The well-informed Christian understands and believes that God and Jesus Christ are one in the same, yet hold on to distinctly different character traits.  God, The Son; Jesus.  God; The Father.  And God in spirit form; The Holy Ghost. True, they are one in the same but God the  Father reflects more of a judgmental perception to a lot of atheists and unbelievers.   Christians themselves are not completely immune to this concept. 


That may or may not be a character flaw in people because we are all created differently.

There is so much to unpack on this topic and I really need to be mindful of where I am coming from because a lot of people are not on the sane wavelength as I am.  And that is neither a good or bad thing.  It simply serves as a reminder that we all are different and uniquely created.

But my point still stands.  We are not called to be imitators of God, so that we shelter ourselves from any and all things that are not holy, we do not recquire an Arc Of the Covenant like God asked for, separating the Holy from the unholy.  No.  We are recquired to be like Jesus and to dine with sinners!  That doesn’t mean Christians can just forfeit their faith and act as sinners act, but it does NOT mean that Jesus believed in separating Christianity completely from secular audiences.  He welcomed them to get to know Him.  As should we instead of just hiding or turning up our noses to sinners, thinking “They’re too lost to be saved.”  With Christ, that right there is an impossible notion.

I am not an imitator of a judgmental God, per say

But I am an imitator Christ.

Strength Or Weakness?


It can define either weakness, or it can define an air of withstanding strength and bearable endurance.  I am not weak enough to admit that I don’t struggle.  I choose to believe I am strong enough to admit my struggles.

Determining what it is I struggle with has certainly been a journey from one end of the spectrum to another and I’m finally coming to terms with it.  I seem to struggle with forming relationships with people- of any kind.  It didn’t use to be this way however- pre-accident.  But now, post-Traumatic Brain Injury, it seems like I have no choice but to accept this fault in my character.

I’m bad at showing what I stand for- deep down.  And this has really shaken the very fiber of my being but this has also shown me the indestructable qualities of my beliefs.  What was meant to pull me away has only succeeded in drawing me closer.

So, is it a strength, or is it a weakness?

The answer seems obvious.

Failure Is NOT The End.

Last evening, I met with an acquaintance to discuss his career path and to hopefully glean from him any advice that he could muster up for me. As the Social Media Marketing Manager for the non-profit, Feed My Starving Children, I was really excited to meet up with him and to hear how in the world he managed to get this amazing opportunity. Needless to say, I was jealous.

But healthy jealousy is a good thing because it can help you to grow and I feel like I took major steps in setting up this meeting. I learned some important things that I needed to hear from a real world perspective such as how you need to start out working at the bottom of the totem pole to gain the experience you need to then be able to work yourself towards the top. I also learned the value of volunteering and submitting articles and work without even being asked.

The most important thing I learned last night goes against all of my academic knowledge. He explained how the idea of “failure” is looked down upon in so many circumstances, when really it’s a tool to be used for growth. We are taught all throw school that failure is a bad thing, it is negative, the end. In a job search, the concept of failure should really be viewed in a more positive light, teaching us more about what we should be doing.

Hopefully with this added knowledge, a career won’t be too far down the path.

Overall, I would not hesitate to consider this a night well spent. I acquired some great new tips to employ in my job search and I made a new friend.

I feel like I’m closer to finding where God wants me to be each day.

Beautiful Remnants of Faith

I’ve been giving a lot of thought to beauty and the standards society has unfortunately but expectantly placed over physical appearance.

But why is no thought given to people who emit beauty from within?  Cause, let’s face it, it is much more important in a long term relationship to actually enjoy a person’s mind rather than their body. 

To me, beauty must encompass these features:

-mind (intelligence, wit)
-soul (direction, ability to be humble and to show empathy)
-body (staying healthy, whatever that looks like)

I haven’t been too pleased with the ugliness I have been seeing in people for the last 4 months and I have realized that I first need to look within and take into account why “beautiful” people are becoming few and far between.  This may or may not have anything to do with the person I have been lately.  But I am holding on to the remnants of beauty that have kept me from complete insanity. 

I’ve kept these remnants in my faith.